Stranger in My Skin

Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna make it to heaven. Do you ever feel that way? I know what God has promised but, I fall so short on a daily basis. I’m at place right now where I feel far from Him. I know He does not move…I am the one who has moved.

I feel guilty about wanting things in this life. A home…a nice car…a financial cushion for emergencies…all of these things feel so carnal. I feel less than for wanting these things. Like, having a desire for a home of my own is worldly!? I hear that voice that says you can’t have it both ways! Do ever feel like this?

That voice that says…because you want this…or think that…you are not able to worship The Lord.

I’m just feeling so far from Him. Perhaps I’m in the valley…tested to gain faith, strength. I used to feel strong…but as I grow…I realize…I know nothing…I am in no way strong enough to bear that or this. I surrender everything.

Please pray for me…that I will hear Gods voice…I will feel his call..that warm tugging on my heart. I feel like I’ve lost it.

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Brotherly Love…

In loving memory of those lives taken at Sandy Hook Elementary:
Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel Davino, Olivia Engel,
Josephine Gay, Ana M. Marquez-Greene, Dylan Hockley, Dawn Hochsprung, Madeleine F. Hsu,
Catherine V. Hubbard, Chase KowalskiJesse Lewis, James Mattioli , Grace McDonnell, Anne Marie Murphy, Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto, Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi, Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman, Lauren Rousseau, Mary Sherlach,
Victoria Soto, Benjamin WheelerAllison N. Wyatt,
Let brotherly love continue.  
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
Hebrews 13: 1-2
 
I sit in shock and disbelief as I read the headlines.  My carnal side has a hard time gathering up brotherly love for someone who has done something so evil..  However, the Holy Spirit fills me with it.    And so my heart aches, not only for those lives lost at his hands, but for the soul of that young man who will be forever lost.  The enemy claimed him and won him.  My prayers go out to his family.
 
I believe those babies went straight to Heaven.  They will not face the temptations of this world or the heartache.  They will not hunger, thirst or cry.   They will not face worldly struggles.  Their time on this earth was short and precious.    My prayers go out for the parents and loved ones of all the families involved.
But I say unto you; Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5: 44-45
Blessed are they that mourn:  for they shall be comforted.

Homesick

I find myself at a loss today.  It seems so much has happened over the last few days that I have been thrown off track.  Don’t get me wrong…I’m still anchored.  I’m just feeling homesick today.  Homesick for a place I’ve never seen.  I guess that is the best way to describe what I’m feeling.

It is quite an awakening once you understand that this world is not your home.  You realize that you are just making your way through each and every day…trying to be as strong and obedient as you can.  Sometimes this world seems so overwhelming.  I guess without Jesus the world is overwhelming.

So many bible verses come to mind.  However, the one that stands out is…

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer;

I have overcome the world.   John 16:33

How can you read that and not be of good cheer?  Jesus has overcome the world.  He has overcome all the temptations, the heartaches, the hunger, the disease, the sin!  He has overcome it all!!!  So, how is it that I struggle today with this horrible mood that I am in?  I have so many blessings in my life.  Countless blessings.  I guess I have to chalk it up to this earthly body with all its aches and pains is a reminder that I am not home yet.

Even as I long for that heavenly home, I know that there is much work to be done here.  There are so many who do not have a relationship with Jesus…so many who do not know him.  I honestly don’t know where I would be without him.  So, I keep going…uphill, downhill, sometimes a nice straight path.

 

Maybe, today will be the day of salvation for someone.  Perhaps, someone reading this will be compelled to pick up their Bible, dust it off and read a little…better yet, get down on those joint-cracking knees and cry out to Jesus.  He will hear you and he will meet you right where you are!  You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Give it a whirl…

It’s been a valley kinda day…

I can’t believe that we are in November already.  Where has this year gone?!  I actually scraped frost from the windshield this morning.  Burrr… It feels like yesterday I was breaking out my summer clothes.  Now, I’m putting them away.  I guess summer has to end at some point!

I was gonna share with you a special story.  However, my mind keeps going over the events of the day.  Sometimes the day leaves you feeling like you’ve accomplished all that you could and some days, like today, leaves you feeling helpless, empty and defeated.

I spoke with a young lady who has suffered extreme abuse from her step-father.  Her life will never be the same.  He robbed her of her childhood and left a painful, emotional scar in its place.  A scar that I know can heal with divine intervention.  But, she’s not there yet.

So…I pray.

I can’t begin to imagine what goes through a grown mans mind as he plans such a horrendous act.  How can someone hurt a little child?  Such calculated evil.  Then I think, perhaps someone hurt him when he was just a boy.  That certainly explains it but that does not excuse it!  My heart breaks for them both.

So…I pray.

My prayer is such that I can not form words.  I simply cry out to Jesus.   I know that he can understand all the emotions and feelings that rage through me.  He feels my sadness, my weariness and my anger towards this entire situation and yet, He loves me and gives me peace.

for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.  Romans 12:19

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.   John 16.33

So…I give thanks.  Thank you Jesus for loving me and holding me when I need it most.  My day slowly comes to a close.  I’ll face this giant again tomorrow.  But, I’ll be renewed in my mind, body and spirit.  I’ll be quiet and let the Holy Spirit have a chance to work through me.  I’ll surrender and pray that, as always, Gods will be done.

Until next time…keep me in your prayers.