Stranger in My Skin

Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna make it to heaven. Do you ever feel that way? I know what God has promised but, I fall so short on a daily basis. I’m at place right now where I feel far from Him. I know He does not move…I am the one who has moved.

I feel guilty about wanting things in this life. A home…a nice car…a financial cushion for emergencies…all of these things feel so carnal. I feel less than for wanting these things. Like, having a desire for a home of my own is worldly!? I hear that voice that says you can’t have it both ways! Do ever feel like this?

That voice that says…because you want this…or think that…you are not able to worship The Lord.

I’m just feeling so far from Him. Perhaps I’m in the valley…tested to gain faith, strength. I used to feel strong…but as I grow…I realize…I know nothing…I am in no way strong enough to bear that or this. I surrender everything.

Please pray for me…that I will hear Gods voice…I will feel his call..that warm tugging on my heart. I feel like I’ve lost it.

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2 thoughts on “Stranger in My Skin

  1. these growing pains are surely a sign of your deep love for the Lord. i will certainly pray for you. is having a home a carnal desire? if you are called to something else, yes. for me, yes. life in an apartment was never what i called life. and yet here i am. and the fountain of life the Lord is through me to my neighbors never ceases to amaze and shock even me… it is a calling and frankly i think it pleases the Lord when we submit to such a life and live it as He would have lived it. caring, praying, praying and caring some more…and, of course, learning the difficult narrow way. but only the Lord Himself can tell you what you are called to… the spiritual blessing is great. has my desire for a home of my own disappeared? no. but i see God´s wisdom in this life every single day. i am, in spite of myself, a missionary to the nations. and never had to leave home to do it 🙂

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